Let me tell you about our orchard

We're at our favorite beach, fresh out of the sea heading back to our post through the nearly too hot sand we meet this girl, Malia. She's got a dog that's cute - some obscure combination of two small adorable breeds which has resulted in a mutt that can be sold for way too much money, Max. And after exchanging about as much personal information with Malia as one tends to post to their Facebook page we meet her boyfriend, Peter.

The Bucduke refers to Peter as "the Tree Whisperer," although he pauses before he does as if he's not quite settled on that name. The very next day Peter invites us on a trespassing tour of orchards he's planted for the E-trade guy and the guy who created the bachelor. By noon, we've agreed on planting an orchard. It all sounds like some elaborate scheme cooked up in Bangkok, but this is Kauai, and within three weeks we've got an orchard planted in the ground and we're watering plants for an hour every day.


You've heard of an apple, you've heard of a banana, well we got apple bananas - three different varieties and way too many to count. There are Avocados - 10 of them in 6 different varieties, none of which are Hass. There are Mangoes - 10 different varieties - and I'm guessing that because they're mangoes, they'll be crazy delicious. Then, there are the trees whose names I've never heard of and whose fruit I've certainly never tasted, here are a few:

The Rambutan, has the appearance of a hairy strawberry...mmmm. It also comes comes in a ridiculous 167+ varieties; I know this because in our orchard, we have varieties #123 and #167. However, my favorite variety is the Jett Lee - not that I particularly like Jet Li, I'm more of a Van Damme type of guy, but that's just funny.

The Soursop I'm sure tastes better than it sounds, or looks. The Egg Fruit looks like the yolk of an egg, and it's a fruit...yum? The Mamey Sapote (what'd you say?) fruit is described as a combination of pumpkin, sweet potato, and maraschino cherries with the texture of an avocado...sounds like a delicious mistake.